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28 January 2011 @ 02:23 pm
Old Spice Men || locked to aaaaaabdominals  
It had been a long day for The Man Your Man Could Smell Like. He had been pleasuring women in various many indescribable ways, giving them their greatest desires, all while smelling like the musky scents of Old Spice.

So imagine his surprise when he woke up some place unfamiliar and strange to him. No matter, he would find his way soon enough. Surely there had to be some woman who would desire nothing more than to help him find his way out. If not he could always give them everything they ever wanted... and more.

As he stood back to admire the decor, it fit him quite well he thought. Shame he'd have to leave so soon. He walked over to the door and tried the handle... it wouldn't budge. How strange.

Hmmm... frustrating. But nothing he couldn't handle. He'd get out soon enough, he never faced a problem he couldn't handle.
 
 
 
aaaaaabdominals on January 28th, 2011 10:41 pm (UTC)
THE MAN YOUR MAN COULD SMELL LIKE WAS NOT THE ONLY MAN WHOSE DAY HAD BEEN FILLED WITH THE GLORIOUS RAMPAGING GRATIFICATION OF WOMEN ALL THROUGHOUT THE FRAGILE PAPER-THIN WALLS OF THE LOVE HOTEL. OLD SPICE ODOR BLOCKER BODY WASH MAN WAS BUSY BLOCKING ODOR THREE ROOMS AWAY WHEN HE SMELLED THE SUDDEN MUSKY SCENT OF A STRANGER AND SUDDENLY WITHOUT WARNING, WHEN THE WOMAN HE WAS PLEASURING BURSTS INTO DOUBLE SUN FLAMES. AND THE FIRE ALARM DIDN'T GO OFF FOR 24 HOURS BECAUSE THERE WAS NO OOODDOOOOR. THEN HE PROMPTLY BURST THROUGH THE WALL WITH THE FORCE OF A HUNDRED RAMPAGING CHAINSAWS.
imona_horse on January 28th, 2011 10:50 pm (UTC)
Dear LORD in Heaven, What was THAT!?

The Man Your Man Could Smell Like was a little surprised, it's not everyday someone comes bursting through your wall after all. He was preparing to admonish who ever this rude wall destroyer was when he realized who it was.

"Oh." He raised a single dark chocolate brow, "Old Spice Odor Blocker Body Wash Man, it's.... good to see you."

He never liked the man much, always trying to destroy "odor" when that is exactly what set him apart from every other man around him. Plus that man had a particularly annoying habit of being obnoxiously loud and trying to steal attention away from HIM.

Clearly, the pecking order was in danger of being upset in a disastrous way.

No matter, he could keep a calm and level head when he needed to, he would remain polite for now.

"Do you happened to know where the exit is?"
aaaaaabdominals on January 28th, 2011 11:05 pm (UTC)
"SO WE MEET AGAIN."

THE MAN WHO YOUR MAN COULD SMELL LIKE AND THE OLD SPICE ODOR BLOCKER BODY WASH MAN STOOD AT OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE ROOM WHICH TREMBLED IN THE SHEER FORCE OF THEIR AWESITUDE. OLD SPICE ODOR BLOCKER BODY WASH MAN FLEXED HIS BOTH HIS FRIGHTENINGLY POWERFUL CHEST MUSCLES IN CHALLENGE. IF ANY WOMEN HAD BEEN PRESENT IN THE ROOM, THEIR PANTIES WOULD HAVE ALL FLOWN OFF SIMULTANEOUSLY FROM SHEER MASCULINITY OVERLOAD.

"OLD SPICE BODY BLOCKERS LETS YOU MAKE YOUR OWN EXIT!" THERE WAS A PAUSE HEAVIER THAN THREE TRACTORS FILLED WITH BRICKS STACKED ON TOP OF EACH OTHER TOPPED WITH A DELICIOUS SIDE OF BACON.

"EXCEPT IN THE LOVE HOTEL, WHERE YOU CANT LEAVE UNTIL YOU PLEASURE A PARTNER FOR 24 STRAIGHT HOUUURRRRRRSSSS."
imona_horse on January 28th, 2011 11:16 pm (UTC)
He was horrified, who made the rules for this hotel? And why should he be compelled to make love to this atrocious man for any length of time?

Though The Man Your Man Could Smell Like was not one to judge who or what a person decided to bed at the end of the day, he was decidedly straight. And had no interest in anything below another man's belt.

But no. Backing down to this man... THIS MAN was not an option. He'd sooner let a woman escape with out being pleased then let this man stomp all over him.

"I bet I could last 48 hours against your pitiful body wash."


Let the games begin.
aaaaaabdominals on January 28th, 2011 11:35 pm (UTC)
AND SOMEWHERE IN THE LOVE HOTEL, THREE HOTEL ROOMS THAT SMELLED OF ARMPIT ODOR COLLAPSED ALL AT THE SAME TIME. BUT THE MAN WHO YOUR MAN COULD SMELL LIKE'S INSULTS WERE EASILY BLOCKED LIKE THEY WERE TINY FLIES BEATING THEMSELVES AGAINST A MIGHTY WALL OF MACHISMO.

"ONE APPLICATION OF OLD SPICE ODOR BLOCKING BODY WASH IS SO POWERFUL IT COULD WASH OFF YOUR MANLY MUSKY SCENT FOR 16 HOUURRRSSSSS."

OLD SPICE ODOR BLOCKER BODY WASH MAN FLEXED HIS BICEPS, WHICH SPROUTED MORE ARMS WHICH WERE ALSO FLEXING THEIR BICEPS. WITH QUADRUPLE BICEP POWER, A WIND THAT SMELLED OF NOTHING BLEW OFF THE MAN WHO YOUR MAN COULD SMELL LIKE'S CARDIGAN SHIRT FROM AROUND HIS NECK.
imona_horse on January 28th, 2011 11:47 pm (UTC)
Never one to be out done The Man Your Man Could Smell like only smirked as his shirt came off. It was only a bother to him anyway, and his amazing musculature couldn't be held at bay any longer.

Look at your keyboard, now at his hand. What's that? Banana flavoured lube. Your favorite? He knows.

He raises his brow, knowing that he is clearly the better contender here and dares speak once more.

"Should I bring my horse?"
aaaaaabdominals on January 29th, 2011 12:04 am (UTC)
OLD SPICE ODOR BLOCKER BODY WASH MAN ACKNOWLEDGES THE MAN WHO YOUR MAN COULD SMELL LIKE'S APTITUDE FOR OUTRAGEOUSLY ACCURATE FORESIGHT. BUT NOTHING WOULD PREPARE THE OTHER MAN FOR THIS.

"ONLY IF YOU'RE READY FOR TIIIIIIGGGGEEEEEERRRRS."

AND SUDDENLY, FROM OUT OF THE SHADOWS STALKS A TIGER. WITH TENACIOUS EYES, HE APPROACHES FROM FROM BEHIND AND

imona_horse on January 29th, 2011 12:07 am (UTC)
That would be a mistake he wouldn't soon forget. Because as The Man Who Your Man Could Smell Like's manhood whipped free Old Spice Odor Blocker Body Wash Man would soon realize:



The only question was, could his ass handle the HARDEST substance on Earth.
aaaaaabdominals on January 29th, 2011 12:24 am (UTC)
THE MAN WHO YOUR MAN COULD SMELL LIKE WAS INDEED A FORMIDABLE OPPONENT. BUT OLD SPICE ODOR BLOCKING BODY WASH MAN KNEW PRECISELY HOW TO COUNTER THIS UNFORESEEN CALAMITY. HE RIPPED OUT ONE OF HIS BODY WASH BOTTLES FROM THE WALL LIKE SLENDERMAN RIPS THROUGH CHILDREN'S HOPES AND DREAMS AND CREATED TWO SUNS, BOTH WHICH REFLECTED OFF THE MAN WHO YOUR AN COULD SMELL LIKE'S GLITTERING MANHOOD, BATHING THE ROOM IN THE BURNING DISCO LIGHT OF TRUE MASCULINITY THAT WOULD ONLY BE SURPASSED BY CHUCK NORRIS WASHING HIMSELF WITH OLD SPICE BODY BLOCKER BODY WASH AND THEN USING OLD SPICE DEODORANT AFTERWARD. AND THEN

imona_horse on January 29th, 2011 12:38 am (UTC)
So that's how he wanted to play it? No problem, The Man Who Your Man Could Smell Like was not phased, he had dealt with a fair deal of women who wanted to take control of the situation. But it was only a farce, a cover, because he was always in control.

Suddenly, Old Spice Odor Blocking Body Wash Man would find himself on a motorcycle.... On a speed boat... Riding towards the edge of Niagra falls.

The only question now was....

""
aaaaaabdominals on January 29th, 2011 12:51 am (UTC)
THE MAN WHO YOUR MAN COULD SMELL LIKE AND THE OLD SPICE ODOR BLOCKING BODY WASH MAN RIDE THAT MOTORCYCLE FACE TO FACE ON A RAGING CURRENT OF PASSION TOWARDS WHAT WOULD NORMALLY BE TOWARDS CERTAIN DOOM BUT ISN'T BECAUSE OLD SPICE BODY WASH BLOCKS ODOR AND IMMINENT DEATH WITH REGULAR USE. BUILDINGS SPROUT UP IN THE WATER AROUND THEM, TOWERING SKYSCRAPERS THAT PROMPTLY EXPLODE UPON REACHING THE PINNACLE OF THEIR HEIGHT FROM THE COMBINED MUSKY WOMAN-PLEASURING RADIANCE AND THE 16 HOUR BODY ODOR BLOCKING

imona_horse on January 29th, 2011 01:04 am (UTC)
And ride that motorcycle they did into hieghts of lust and pleasure previously thought to be unattainable by the human race. But nothing could hold these two forces back, not even the power of a super nova collapsing into a black hole could bring this wave of man sex to a halt.


The combined domainance of these two forces meeting managed to every within 50 miles.


aaaaaabdominals on January 29th, 2011 01:08 am (UTC)
And the universe was humbled by it...

UNTIL THE OLD SPICE MEN DECIDED THAT OLD SPICE BODY ODOR BLOCKING BODY WASH WAS

aaaaaabdominals on January 29th, 2011 01:09 am (UTC)
Buh pa pa pah, pa-pa puh!
imona_horse on January 29th, 2011 01:20 am (UTC)
I'm on a horse.
Retica: smile0waywardchild0 on January 29th, 2011 12:22 am (UTC)
OOC
BRB LOLING FOREVER
oxeeen_paawwnch on January 29th, 2011 12:47 am (UTC)
OOC
Oh my God YOU BRILLIANT EXAMPLES OF MASCULINITY

MANLOVE EACH OTHER GOOD. FOR EVERLASTING WOMAN PLEASURE... somehow.
probation_you: Your stupidity it burns!probation_you on January 29th, 2011 02:05 am (UTC)
MUSTN'T READ BUT CAN'T LOOK AWAY OH GOD THE TRAVESTY
honkhonkmofos on January 29th, 2011 03:09 am (UTC)
OOC
This is the best.
Karkat Vantas: WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVENdungenessmaster on January 29th, 2011 03:25 am (UTC)
OOC
hatchedleader on January 29th, 2011 06:06 pm (UTC)
OOC
where did you even get that icon

may I have it
Karkat Vantas: GTFOdungenessmaster on January 29th, 2011 06:37 pm (UTC)
OOC
I just cropped/resized that one from someone else's hilarious edit. :V

Feel free to take any icons you want off me bro, you don't have to ask

especially since a lot of mine are tothekatmobile's recolors XD
hatchedleader on January 29th, 2011 06:39 pm (UTC)
OOC
Oh god yes thank you. It's so delightful.

As is this post, by the way. This? This is the single greatest thing to ever happen in TLH, I'm pretty sure.
Karkat Vantas: so goddamn oocdungenessmaster on January 29th, 2011 06:42 pm (UTC)
OOC
Yeah, they can basically close shop, nothing will ever top this.
hatchedleader on January 29th, 2011 09:03 pm (UTC)
OOC
Hahaha oh dude looking at those icons, you're using one of mine. I'm emosasquatch.
Karkat Vantas: puzzleddungenessmaster on January 29th, 2011 09:41 pm (UTC)
OOC
Oh shit, which? :V Honestly I never sorted my credits when I started doing this so now I'm like... fixing them as I go along.
Sgt. Sousuke Sagara: Sir yes sir!lambda_driven on January 29th, 2011 05:09 am (UTC)
OOC
It's official - TLH can close now, because nothing can ever possibly top this.

Edited at 2011-01-29 05:10 am (UTC)
(Deleted comment)
Panty Anarchy @ Nowhere: STRIKE!spiceoversugar on January 29th, 2011 06:02 am (UTC)
Re: OOC
Thirded
Ema Skye: laughteroh_science on January 30th, 2011 09:39 pm (UTC)
Re: OOC
Fourthed.
Valvalis: Fiend of Windaero_dienamic on January 29th, 2011 05:10 am (UTC)
OOC
This thread had made this woman straight.
Raphael: and after that.bedsidemanners on January 29th, 2011 05:41 am (UTC)
OOC
This is my new OTP.
тєяяα ღ χємηαѕ: Xemnas - [ CS ] - >:)solsticism on January 29th, 2011 07:07 am (UTC)
OOC
Brilliant. Just brilliant.
comeinriver on January 29th, 2011 07:33 am (UTC)
OOC
the internet could end right now and i wouldn't even be mad.
silentholmcross on January 29th, 2011 10:41 am (UTC)
OOC
Oh god, I have no words... <3
poisoninuyoukai on January 29th, 2011 02:31 pm (UTC)
OOC
At first I was like -_- but then I was like ^_^ and oh god this was hilarious. I needed the laugh.
not_splendorman on January 29th, 2011 07:49 pm (UTC)
[He's just here cause he heard his name.]
(Deleted comment)
enrico_puccio on February 1st, 2011 06:36 am (UTC)
OOC
enrico_puccio on February 1st, 2011 06:41 am (UTC)
OOC AGAIN JUST BECAUSE I READ IT AGAIN
im_notlaughing on March 12th, 2011 03:33 am (UTC)
This is the first time I've ever felt proud to know you. :D

NAWJOKES
Nike Crawford-Marine: Nike ♛ Uh...huh. And that is relevant tonottheshoe on March 12th, 2011 03:34 am (UTC)


Edited at 2011-03-12 03:34 am (UTC)
im_notlaughing on March 12th, 2011 03:36 am (UTC)
you know you love iiiiiit~